dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
