That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
