he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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