She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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