If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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