im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
