From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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