My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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