just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
