he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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