Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
