my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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