I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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