there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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