ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That was an excessively violent trivia night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
