overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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