When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
