Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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