Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
