So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
