there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
