batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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