New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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