Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
