He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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