Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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