I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
