Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
