she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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