She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
