What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
