i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
