I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
