My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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