Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
