What a fucking waste of an outfit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
