this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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