Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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