some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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