Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
