It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize