We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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