Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
