Me. At least after what I've been through.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
