She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
