i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
