i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
