Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
