she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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