You just made me feel so damn special
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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