Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
