oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
