fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
