3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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