This is not my ceiling
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize