I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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