Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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