Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
