If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
