He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
