put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
