just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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