i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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