So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
