yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize