I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
