Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This baby is an asshole
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
