He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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