been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
