If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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