If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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